“…in some cases like mine you have to come to terms with the idea of never knowing, you just have to have faith that he is out there. You have to have faith that while you may never meet him, he is a good person. You have to have faith that he is whatever your mom was told he was like tall, smart, and handsome.....and the only thing you have to go on is yourself…” -- Girl Conceived.

She is about 30. Though we do not know what she looks like, her invisible image is clear through a strong and loud verbal voice. She writes of the “Cacophony of Loss.”

At times in her work, she has to fly. Looking down upon the earth from her window seat she ponders the fact that it is more difficult for her as a donor offspring to find her father. Her mother was inseminated in the early 1980’s. “At the time,” she says, “ sperm donation was pretty low-tech and did not involve freezing which made the process all the more sketchy. Donors were often medical students strapped for cash recruited by fertility specialists associated with their educational facilities. They would donate the sperm within hours of insemination, if not sooner.”

“I remember,” she says, “stories my Mom told about finding out she and my Dad could not have kids, how she cried herself to sleep…how the feeling just ate her up inside.

“She doesn’t realize, but I understand. It is that very same carnal ache. That heartbreaking urge to [grasp] something so out of reach but so intimately linked to who you are, that defines the life of a donor offspring. Sometimes I want to scream from the rooftops – ‘where are you?’ Just let me see this person, understand myself, know that half of me exists somewhere outside of my imagination…”

She has been looking for her father for years. What is it like? How does it feel? She writes in detail of the experience in many riveting blog posts. Three, in particular, take you through her pores as she connects with a sperm donor who donated at the same clinic in which her mother was inseminated. To read them click on her April 10, 2010 post, then her April 18, 2010 post, then her May 3, 2010 post.

“I am very close to my Mom and [am] by no means insensitive to the heartbreak infertility issues can cause. My only concern is that the ‘learning process’ needs to occur pre-insemination, so parents can fully understand the consequences of anonymous donation completely before they opt to move forward.”

Here is her May 16, 2010 post:

A mother considering artificial insemination...... By Girl Conceived

During a brunch in the city, I and three other women discussed life and family and somehow got to the nature of my conception. Halfway into the meal, one of the women, a friend of a friend, shared that she was undergoing IVF treatments with donor sperm. It was like someone ran up to the table and hit me in the back of the head. I was overwhelmed.

Earlier in the meal and prior to her revelation, she had been overly interested in my experience as the child of donor sperm. While I answered her questions honestly I could sense their was a "motivation" for her interest that made me a little uncomfortable.  She looked very intensely into my eyes when I answered and every question was followed by another. I later realized that she sort of perceived me to be her unborn child 30 years from now.