THE FYF BLOG

By Danielle Flood

A British Columbia Supreme Court judge has recently ruled that sperm donor anonymity is unconstitutional. Unless the decision is overturned by an appeals court, British Columbia joins the United Kingdom which made it illegal for sperm donors to be anonymous as of March, 2005. The UK made it possible for donor offspring to seek information about their fathers once they turn 18. Thus it seemed fitting that our latest profile in our continuing series, “In Search of a Father,” be about someone who has, in the United States, where donor anonymity is legal, been looking for her donor father for years. This magazine is pleased to introduce “Girl Conceived,” the pseudonym for the blogger of http://connectitblog.blogspot.com/, which explores the absent father experience from her point of view, which is that of others. We notice that as of this date, the press in the United States has virtually ignored the British Columbia ruling.

FindingYourFather.com has a new page today – with tips on how to find one’s father, or anyone, I suppose. I wrote it off the top of my head and will be adding to it as I think of more avenues onto which father seekers can venture. Originally, I thought it would be best to focus this site on the decision-making process one needs to go through before looking for a father – the various possible outcomes of various searches – because you need to be prepared. You need to get your head ready and that of anyone who will support you in this endeavor – a friend, an adopted mother, your biological mother, a grandparent. Because the search for a long lost father, or a loved one, is one of the most emotionally-wracking endeavors a person can undertake. It needs to be done carefully and deliberately. Ideally, you should try to get some time off from work or school around the time you reach your answers if you can. Because it’s exhausting. I know, because I had to look for my father, I've interviewed a number of people who've looked for their fathers and read books by father seekers.

Sharing the experiences of others who have searched for their fathers, or not searched,  will remain the prime focus of FindingYourFather.com. I decided to create a How To Tips page because though I don’t know how to find everyone -- and some people can’t be found – I realized I can try, because I can – many reporters can. And so the development of this page is underway.

Along the way, a Facebook friend learned of this site and told me about his experience in finding the parents of an adopted cousin without that cousin’s parents names. This is our first guest writer – Joe Holt. You can read his account of what happened and his step by step guide to how he did this on Ancestry.com, with which we are not affiliated, by clicking here.

I welcome comments and questions. And wish the best to all.   

THE FIRST BOOK IN THE SHELF

I have a stack of books to tell you about. One is: FINDING MY FATHER by Rod McKuen, the poet, song writer and performer. (It can be had through the library. I just noticed there are about 50 copies available for a penny on Amazon. I am not an Amazon Associate and do not receive remuneration for books I recommend.)

McKuen's memoir is a well-written highly detailed account of his search for his father, most through investigators that he hired. If someone were looking for their father even without an investigator, the great value of this book is the thorough description of the many many dead ends at which McKuen and his hired searchers arrived. Asking friends of friends of one's mother does sometimes yield a successful connection.

This quote from the book is thought-provoking: "...unless you were born or brought up under anything but ordinary circumstances it is impossible to understand how much some of us with no parents, one good parent, two bad parents, or even two exceptionally fine adoptive parents, need to know about their origins." 

Since I did not grow up under "ordinary" parental circumstances, I do understand the need some people have to find their fathers or birth parents. Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I think others who do grow up with two parents they know can understand what it is like to experience an absent father when people stop shoving the subject out of sight and mind.